Thank you True Faith from way back in 1994 when I was but a wee child. Let’s see how many of you guys Spotify this. Anyway! For international readers… “Huwag na lang” loosely translated to “If that’s the case, I’d rather not”. And this is our topic for today.
Every now and then, I get clients who ask the tarot cards specific questions, and if the result is not what they desire, then “huwag na lang” (I’d rather not). Here are some examples:
A few years ago, Client A was in a situationship with a guy. She wanted to ask the cards if she should continue further, or if he was gonna be a waste of time. This wasn’t a first time client, and was well aware of my healing methods, so before I laid out the cards I asked her “How about you? What do YOU want?”
Her response was just like how 95% of my clientele would respond in a similar situation: “I like him, but I don’t want my heart broken. Therefore if so, then huwag na lang.”
Other examples include:
– “I wanna break up with my boyfriend. But if you don’t see another man in the cards for me, then huwag na lang.”
– “I want to quit my job and do something radically different. But if the cards don’t see it as successful, then huwag na lang.”
– “I have a crush. But if it won’t amount to anything, then huwag na lang. I won’t make the effort.”
– “I want to ask for a raise/vacation leave/a different schedule…but if my boss won’t agree to it, then huwag na lang.”
Life is about the Journey. Not the Destination.
We’ve all been there. Being safe. I’ve been there too. But these days, I always remind my clients that our life isn’t about the end goal, it’s about the journey. We aren’t here to be successful. We’re here to learn to overcome our shit, whatever the outcome. If things go your way, great! If you fall flat on your face but learned something, great!
Most lessons aren’t learned by succeeding in the first try.
So, if you get scared and sit in the comfort of your miserable existence (yes, I’m being dramatic), then what a waste of life.
“I wont do it unless _________”
“I’ll do that when ________”
“I’ll only do it if ________”
When we use these phrases, we are already telling ourselves a few things:
- That we are cowards.
- That we live in lack.
- We don’t believe that we can actually accomplish our desired outcome. So we put an impossible clause in order to never see ourselves fail.
- Procrastination is OK. We’ll do it. Just not now. Later. (never)
- Nothing is up to us. The Universe has a hand in our affairs, and unless they budge, we won’t budge.
And if things don’t move the way we want, edi huwag na lang kaya.
AKA: Self Sabotage.
Everybody is different. We all have a different story, a different trauma, a different strength. There are things we grew up with, and things we grew up without.
Being a brave idiot comes naturally to me, but I have to understand that not everybody sees the world like I do.
A majority of men were indoctrinated a certain way, and a majority of women were indoctrinated in another. A lot of races were also taught to be more of this, less of that. A lot of humans were taught this is the right way, not that.
A very big part of adulthood is unlearning all we had accumulated. Life is funny, isn’t it?
Love is a Verb. I first heard this line from the Incubus song “Here in my Room” – but yeah. That has a whole different meaning. Lol.
Apologies for the distraction. Where were we? Okay. Love is a verb. I was recently listening to the podcast The Diary of a CEO with guest Esther Perel. When I’m not listening to astrology podcasts, this is my next go to, as I thoroughly enjoy Steven’s guests (Mel Robbins, Gabor Maté, Dr. Tara Swart to name a few) as well as his own public vulnerability to talk about himself and his struggles (and his relationship with his partner).
In this particular episode (which is a must for every single human being on the fucking planet) love and sex expert Esther Perel discusses many sad truths about relationships today, and I’m not just talking romantic. Whether we are talking about our relationship with ourselves, our friends, family or our partner/s, she talks about the usual dynamics and factors that lead to a sexless, mediocre or loveless situation.
As I said, the entire episode was extraordinary but I will focus on one thing. Most relationships end not because of a lack of love, but because we stop trying. LOVE IS A VERB. Do something.
Whether it is active listening, spending 5 minutes to just be together instead of focusing on your laptop or mobile phone, taking that walk, asking the difficult questions, responding to each other in a way that benefits you both… Perel says that if we treated our businesses the way we treated our partners, then our businesses will all fail. We’ve become complacent, and the back and forth of passive-aggressive behavior or nonchalance will lead us to just give up. The cat and mouse game toying with our ego, pride, worth, value…
“Huwag na lang.”
As I’ve mentioned, I am a brave idiot. I’ve been so since I was 11 years old. I started off a meek and shy child, too scared to do anything even if I really wanted to do things. It wasn’t until the 5th grade when I started coming out of my shell, and embracing power in trying out new things.
I remember trying out a new friend group.
I remember learning basketball for the very first time. And liking it.
I remember being absolutely bonkers and inviting the entire school to a house party at 13 years old. 90% of the people I invited didn’t even know who I was. 24 people showed up. It was an extremely crazy idea and an interesting experience!
As I grew older, I grew braver. That didn’t mean that the old school ways of life weren’t ingrained in me. In my early 30s, I wanted to study healing. I’ve told this story before, but let me tell it again. Back then it was way too expensive, and I told myself “When I get more money, then I will enroll in healing school.”
Time passed, and I never got more money. So, exasperated by my own restraint, I trodded my way into the healing center and found a way to enroll myself (installments exist). But it only grew. As I got deeper into my healing journey, I wanted to quit my teaching job and just be a healer.
It made no sense. Why would I quit a comfortable dead end job that pays me twice a month to be a healer??? What kind of a career path was that??? “When I get a job, then I’ll quit.”
But despite not having a Plan B, my body was over it and made me quit on the spot. Once again, I trodded to the same healing center, this time asking for a job. I got it. I was now a healer.
Being brave didn’t always pay off the way I wanted, but in the long run has taught me valuable core lessons.
I confessed my sincere like to a fuck buddy but he didn’t respond the way I wanted. I was crushed, but I’ve always been proud of my honesty.
I applied to countless jobs in Japan which didn’t pan out. Was it a waste of time sending those application letters? No. Because those countless hours were me taking action.
I got married. LOL. Was it a mistake? Sure. But I’m so much wiser because of it.
Let’s go back to Client A with her situationship. What did I tell her and how did it end?
Firstly, I went on top of my soapbox and rambled on like I do. Then I told her what the cards said: Give it a shot. He’s good for you no matter how it ends.
She was annoyed by my ambiguous reply (she didn’t want to make the effort), but lo and behold years later (present tense), they just got engaged.
My job isn’t to spell out your future. That’s not how I operate. My job is to guide you, smack you in the head from time to time, and urge you to take that leap of faith. To smell the roses. To get hurt and learn from it. To ride that wave of life. To be awesome.
So, live a little.
always awesome despite some severe delusions,
brit
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